Personal Blog

Stop Judging Me

Man! It’s only been a few days since I… BROKE my wedding rings and BOY do I have some stories to tell. I guess those rings were like some sort of shield. Something that made other people feel like my life was acceptable to them.

I cannot tell you the stares I’ve been getting when I’m out with my kids.

Um excuse me – none of your darn business what my situation is. And PS – what year are we in? Do you want to paint an A on my forehead too???

It’s becoming rather uncomfortable. The dirty stares. The dart to my hand and then to my children and then to my face. I’m like… is this happening???

Maybe it’s just my filter because I’m a bit self aware that I’m without my bands (and it’s been 10 years since I’ve been in public without them). Maybe I’m LOOKING for those people who disapprove to validate my own fears. But whatever it is – it’s frustrating.

And the men too. I’m not saying I’m getting picked up everywhere I go, but conversations are lasting longer. Take last night for instance. I went to my local grocery store to pick up a few things I need for this… diet plan I’m starting (will talk about later). I told a man he could go in front of me because he only had a few items. He insisted it was fine to wait. That’s usually where it would stop.

But last night it was the “That’s a lot of food for one person” comment that made me realize I need those rings back on pronto. My husband and I are looking at the rings as the elephant in the room. We both know we need to find the money to fix them but we both don’t feel like going through the process to do it.

So, they are still in pieces in a bag in my kitchen.

When you go out without your rings – do you feel like people treat you differently?

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Vera
Vera Sweeney, mom, blogger, social media influencer and New York resident, is the founder of LadyAndTheBlog.com. She is considered one of the top female digital influencers in today’s social media space. Her lifestyle and parenting brand helps busy women stay on top of the latest trends in fashion, food, family and travel.

18 Comments

  1. Have you got any other rings you can just put on your finger for a while Vera? If not go buy a cheapie πŸ™‚

  2. It’s rare I go about my day without my rings but when I have, I feel “naked” and lost. Weird, I know. Oh and after reading your story about your fingers getting swollen, I noticed my finger and it was swollen so I took soap and removed them. It’s been almost 15 years since hubs bought them. Time for an upgrade. =)

  3. When I was pregnant, my fingers got really swollen. I had to take my wedding ring off. I felt so conspicuous without them! I ended up going to Target and buying a $10 silver band to wear. I still have it, it makes me smile when I see it in my jewelry box.

  4. Before I had my ring from my husband, I went to Claire’s and bought a CZ ring. I didn’t realize until after shopping for diamond rings how silly the CZ looked, though.

    I do notice that I always look at a ring finger, though. Whether it’s a man or woman, or if they have kids with them or not. I don’t think I’m doing this judgingly (That’s not a word, is it? lol), I’m just curious, I guess. Hmm… this will make me think twice about it, though.

  5. I’d just buy a costume set from like Kohl’s or somewhere – something cheap to wear to avoid the stares and questions until you decide what to do with the other ones.

  6. I lost my big diamond from my set and they were attached, so I stopped wearing them. I was tired of people staring at me, especially when I took my boys to school, so I bought a big ol’ CZ. It was way bigger than my original ring ! LOL I don’t wear it much, only when I start to feel the stares…..

  7. yes – the stares are incredible!! it doesn’t cost that much to have the rings reset – or even just one done – once the diamonds are polished and in the new band, it will look like you have had an upgrade!!

  8. Maybe it depends on where you live, but honestly, Vera, I think at least some of it is just your imagination. I don’t ever look at people’s rings or lack thereof. I think you also have to take into account how you are dressed, where you are, whatever – there’s a lot more clues to your life than just wearing a ring.

    I have been married for a little over 20 years and most of that time, I have not worn my rings. When I was a stay-at-home mom, it was hard to wear my rings around the house, for fear of something happening to my diamond or my rings slipping off while cleaning the sink.

    I guess I *was* a lot more self conscious abut it when my kids were little, so I wore them when I left the house, but it got to be too much of a hassle to keep putting them on and taking them off, so I just stopped wearing them all together.

    I, too, get the grocery store Romeos. All I can think is: “Buddy, I am buying apple juice, Pop Tarts, Gogurt and Oreos – do you really think that those items are for ME?”

  9. LoL I felt this exact same way while pregnant! My fingers swelled too much to wear my rings. I refused to go to the OB without at least wearing a fake ring!!!!!! People do look at you different I SWEAR!

  10. I get the same thing. I do not really care I guess. I mean I know the truth πŸ™‚ but when I was pregnant both times neither ring fit after 4-5 months so I have this HUGE ring that I wore some times because the looks I got when I was preggers are FAR worse!! If you have another ring that you were for the time being, why not wear that one? But mostly the looks make me chuckle. Like really? Why do you care about me and my ringless hand? Just give them a knowing look and wink!!!

  11. Crazy! Honestly, I think I’d got buy a fake CZ that is a classy nice one (probably no more than $50-$100) in the interim just so you don’t have to deal with it. My friend did that when she was prego and had to take the rings off from swelling. Sorry they broke. Boo hoo! xo

  12. i think its all in your head… but if you do catch someone giving you the look, who cares??!!! its none of their business what goes on in your life… dont buy a fake ring to get them off your back bc you have nothing to be embarassed about! they should be ashamed of themselves for judging you in the first place. take your time finding a new/ fixing your ring. like that dr. seuss saying goes( i think its dr.seuss) those that matter dont care, and those that care dont matter. oh and for the guy flirting thing just bring your hubby in the convo and theyll leave you alone πŸ™‚

  13. Go to the jewelry store next to wild fig. Franklin ave. Make an appt w/ Eduardo. He is fantastic. He can defin fix them!

  14. I actually bought a fake ring online – waiting for it. That way there will be no pressure to reset until we are ready. Thanks for all the comments – calmed me down a bit!

  15. I have been married for 10 years and hardly ever wear my ring, I am not a ring person. They irritate me. My husband never wears his either, he’s in construction and he hates the feel of it too..lol I never had any problems with anybody though…luckily because they wouldn’t like what I had to say. What’s even funnier to me is my husband is also a pastor.

  16. Well…I am a single mom of 2 little ones…I haven’t had a ring on my finger since my son was 6 weeks old!! He’s almost 4 now (my daughter is 6). In the beginning I thought the same thing you did…..BUT I was LOOKING for people to disapprove! I felt awful at that time in my life and I just knew everyone was judging me.

    Fast forward a few years…I don’t think anyone even notices that I’m not wearing a ring…It never even crosses my mind that I’m not married (I do have an amazing boyfriend). I love my children. I’m a great mom and that’s all that matters. My daughter started kindergarten this year and I thought she would be the only one with divorced parents…..She is one of at least 5 in the class that I know of!!! We live in a nice neighborhood in a great school district. Being a single mom doesn’t mean you are a bad mom by ANY means….Maybe people do judge me….but who cares? I’m happy…my kids are happy….that’s what matters!

    Of course…I just had to give my “single mom” input.

  17. I think a lot of it is in your head, but I can understand how you feel. I have been with Luis for 7 years, we have a daughter, and we still aren’t married or even engaged. We practically grew up together, so there was no way we were going to put money for a ring before money for dinner, or rent. Now that we are finally establishing ourselves we can start to think about marriage. I’m fully aware we did everything backwards-I was 19 when I had my daughter! But I’m only 24 now, and I know walking around with a five year old can attract attention. But it’s all in how I carry myself. So if I can be a young mom and still gain respect from most people I walk past, I am sure you’re doing fine. I think people stare depending on how your children act, and I know your children are fine, clean and well groomed LOL so trust me, its all in your head! As for the men, there might be some truth to it, but sadly in today’s world a ring still doesnt stop a lot of men. I have friends who say they felt like they drew MORE attention with their ring because some men just like what they can’t have! =)

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