I’m a very specific type of person. I am controlling (we’ve discussed this already), EXTREMELY TYPE A, logical… and set in my ways. That makes for a very difficult person to live with – wouldn’t you say? (Ok, I’m not ALL bad – I know that! But I’m only mentioning these qualities because they relate to this post)
The last few days, little things have been eating away at me. Really little things. Ridiculous things that aren’t even worth mentioning… but when you add them all up you have a problem.
Ok I’ll mention one just to prove my point.
Yesterday, my cleaning lady came over and I was in the basement working on my stockpile (don’t judge me). I broke down a bunch of boxes from my old office and went to bring them upstairs. She was mopping my steps though… so I didn’t want to bother her. Instead, I placed the boxes next to my husband as he sat at his desk and then went back into my stockpile room to continue organizing that disaster.
All day long, he kept coming up and down without bringing up the boxes. The boxes were 6 inches from him FOR HOURS on a chair – not on the floor which meant that they were in SIGHT. Finally, at like 8 at night, I turned to him and said – “I can’t believe you haven’t brought those boxes up yet.”
“Um… the boxes you’ve been sitting next to for the last 6 hours. You saw me put them there right?”
“Oh I thought you brought them up already?”
… what? I just about imploded.
“How could you think I brought them up if you’ve been sitting next to them for the entire day?”
And so on … and so forth. And of course once the faucet is opened… well, it just all came out.
I said some pretty mean things which made him completely shut down. The truth is – he is who he is.If I were really so concerned with the boxes, I should have just gone downstairs and got them. But instead, I put my husband through a test… and I don’t think that was very fair.
Would I prefer that he take notice of his environment and do things without me asking? OF COURSE! But we’ve been having this same fight for over 10 years and Bill is who he is. It’s just not going to happen. If I need something to be done, I literally have to spell it out, write a note, send an email. And that’s fine. I just have to keep remembering that this relationship works THAT way and THAT way only.
Do you test your spouse putting him up to a task you know he will fail? I really have to stop doing this but I don’t because there’s this little part of me that still wishes he will change into the version of him I have in my head.