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I’ve Officially Been Placed On Bed Rest

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I knew this was going to happen. Truly. This is not a surprise. From the day I found out I was pregnant, I lived with this panic – counting down the days until **** hit the fan.

And Thursday was that day.

I have to go to the doctor once a week for a cervical check. It’s not even really a bother for me because I like to be aware of exactly where I am PLUS I get to see the baby OFTEN. I have about 60 sonogram pictures all over my house. It’s a blessing that blooms from the madness. You have to find joy in the little things, right?

Well, last week my cervix was 3cmm long which is the last point of acceptability. Mind you – it’s too early to be 3cmm as it is. But by the doctor’s standards, we were fine as long as we were in the 3 range.

Yesterday, during my doctor’s visit, my cervix went down from a 3 to a 2.3. That is a HUGE JUMP. As soon as the nurse called it, I started to cry. I was alone. My husband was in San Francisco all week and my mother didn’t want to come in the room with me. In a way it was good, because I got a hold of myself quicker since I had no one to lean on in there. They left me to change and called in the doctor.

When she came in, she said… “It’s short. But you know that.” And I did know that because this is my third time on bedrest.

I knew everything she was going to say. I knew exactly what it meant. Bedrest is just the start. I have another appointment on Monday and that’s when we will see what else we are going to do. Will it be surgery? Will it be progesterone? Will it be hospitalization? I don’t know yet.

For now – it’s been confirmed. Absolute bedrest. So this is my new view.

Last week, Bill and I went out and bought a big TV for my bedroom. We had a 19 inch television in there and I stopped being able to read the TV guide a few years ago. But I never really USED that TV, so it didn’t really bother me. However, I knew that I would be spending at least 4 months on bedrest. So, for $399 we bought this 40 inch MONSTER. PC Richards was having a huge Columbus Day sale and we jumped. I’m glad we were being proactive about the whole situation… because now I’m in for good.

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(Bill sent me flowers before he got on the plane.)

 

Like I said, Bill was in San Francisco this week. I called him as soon as I left the doctor’s office bawling my eyes out in the car. I felt so bad reaching out to him because I knew he was about to get on a plane to fly home. That would be at least 6 hours of him sitting there and marinading in the news. But I had to tell him. And I cried for about 20 minutes while talking with him. He kept trying to calm me down – but it’s just so early. I just started my 20th week. This means that I need to bake this baby for at least 8 more weeks… without question. I cannot go into labor before that.

This cannot happen.

The next 2 months are the hardest to handle because I know if something happens… it’s over. I really don’t care so much once I pass 30 weeks. I know the baby will be fine at that point. But now… this moment… the moments that will fill the next 8 weeks… it’s impossible to reconcile.

I can’t believe this is happening. Even though I knew it would. Does that make any sense? I’ve done this twice before and was able to carry to full term TWICE. So, I know that even though the ride is hard, the results are worth it. I’m blessed to have my two children with me. My life is complete because of my kids. I will hang upside down if that’s what it takes to have another healthy delivery. I am the best patient in the world because I don’t cheat. I take it very seriously… because it is very serious.

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Natalie came home from school and I tried to do her homework with her on the bed, but it didn’t work out. She was too distracted. So, my mother had to do it with her in the kitchen. Again, I cried. This is another very hard part to accept – your uselessness.

I can’t help my kids with their homework anymore.

I can’t eat dinner with my family anymore.

I am going to miss every holiday / party / dinner that’s coming up during this holiday season.

I am going to miss my kids’ school plays and classroom parties.

My birthday and anniversary (coming up in a few weeks) will be spent in bed.

I am going to miss every soccer game my son plays this year.

It’s too much to process all at once. I can’t begin to think about Thanksgiving and Christmas right now – even though I know it’s going to happen.

I will get out of this slump in a few days. It’s still too new for me. I cried all day yesterday – and I mean all day. When the kids came home, I controlled myself when they were around me. But every second I was alone, I mourned the upcoming year and how I wouldn’t be apart of any of it. It’s a hard truth… but one that I understand all too well.

The only difference is, when I was on bedrest the last two times – my children weren’t really aware. The first time I had NO children – so that worked out. The second time, Natalie was not even 2 years old. She really didn’t understand what was happening.

My kids are much older now. They get it. They are already asking why I’m not having breakfast with them.

It’s day 2 folks.

Day 2.

I have at least 100 to go. I can’t handle this. This is really going to be a test for me.

Even this morning, when I woke up. I was hungry and thirsty. But Bill was getting the kids ready for school. So, I was sitting in bed just waiting for him to check on me. And I was thinking… should I just go and get it? I’m not supposed to. And he didn’t check on me because he has stuff to do for the kids. I get it. But it’s already frustrating because I’m at the complete mercy of others.

You don’t feel sick. You don’t feel weak. You don’t feel like you need anyone to help you. But you do… and it’s that struggle that drives me crazy. I’m a very independent person. And now I have to lean HARD on my husband and friends and family.

I don’t want to be burden – and this can’t be done any other way.

So…I need the day off. I need to cry some more. I need to accept it a little more. Hopefully, after the weekend, I will be in a better place.

If you are my friend in real life… I am not going to pick up my phone / check emails for a while. So, please don’t take offense to that. I just can’t talk about this without bawling. And I need to get passed that stage.

Thank you for all your kind wishes during the first few months of my pregnancy. I appreciated all the emails / facebook checks etc. My family will get through this. I have to believe that. I just need some time to wrap my head around this situation.

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Vera Sweeney, mom, blogger, social media influencer and New York resident, is the founder of LadyAndTheBlog.com. She is considered one of the top female digital influencers in today’s social media space. Her lifestyle and parenting brand helps busy women stay on top of the latest trends in fashion, food, family and travel.

Comments

  1. I was on bedrest with Michael and it was really, really hard. And I didn’t have 2 kids to take care of. I’m really sorry. It really does suck.

  2. Hey mama. Hang in there. this post is so personal and beautiful. I am so sorry you are going through this.
    Let me know if you need anything… i’m right around the corner!

  3. Oh Vera, I’m crying reading this. I’m so sorry. I wish I lived closer.

  4. Awww Vera. I’m so sorry to hear that. I will keep you and your family (including the little one in your tummy!) in my prayers!

  5. Heather Topping : October 12, 2012 at 9:15 am

    Aww, sweetie, bless your heart. When you first annouced your pregnancy, I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this. I started following you when you were in the hospital on bedrest with Liam. You are so strong and in the end all the crying, bed-resting, and missing out on things will be behind you and your reward will be this precious little person to love. You know you can make it through this because you’ve done it twice before. Chin up, buttercup. You have the support, prayers, good thoughts and love of so many during this difficult time.

  6. Ugghhhh—so very sorry. Sending love–and know that you have an army of women behind you willing to send anything to you. xoxo

  7. Hi Vera – just wanted to let you know I am in the same boat (but with twins). I have been on bedrest since 21.5 weeks after having an emergency cerclage put in (I’m almost 24 weeks now). My cervix was as low as .7 before the cerclage! This is my first pregnancy so it was a complete shock to me. The thought of anything happening before 28 weeks is devestating and it took me a few days to wrap my head around it. Just take it week by week. Counting down the days is torturous. Good luck to you. You’ve done it before, you can do it again!

  8. Diane /ElGeorgia : October 12, 2012 at 9:21 am

    Although it seems very heartbreaking at the moment…You will have a lifetime of love from a new little bundle of joy.. So sorry. Hugs!! Diane xo

  9. I just want to hug you right now. Get your feelings out and process everything. You are strong enough to get through this and you’ll find a way to make it work so you can spend time with your kids. xoxo

  10. Oh Vera, I’m so sorry to hear this. It sounds freaking crazy-making to me to be so dependent and, well, STUCK. I know you’ll make it through but I will be thinking of you!

  11. hang in there!!! try not to think of what you can’t do… find ways to make it better. would it be terrible to put a card table in your room or let the kids eat on little tables with you in your room? yeah it is messy but better than feeling all alone – everyone just has to come to you now 🙂 also get a little mini fridge for a night stand stocked with your water and fav’s… again – hang in there – thinking good thoughts for you and your family!!!

  12. So, so sorry you have to go through all that again. Try and stay positive. Take care!

  13. I’m so sorry to hear this. Big hugs to you!!

  14. Oh, sweetie. I’m sorry. I wish I was there to help.

  15. okay, so on Wednesday I almost asked Whitney for your cell number just to text and check in on you because you’ve been quieter. When you’re back and ready, jump on skype with us and start talking. Someone is ALWAYS on, Vera. Always. We won’t let you be alone.

    Hugs and kisses and all that.

  16. Hey Vera! I’m so sorry that you have to deal with this. It really does stink! I like Jen’s ideas though! ((HUGS)) Take care mama!

  17. I cannot even imagine how hard this must be. I don’t know what to say, other than you have my love and prayers.

  18. You are being an awesome mommy because you’re taking care of your body and this baby inside of you. The kids will see that you care for each of them and love you just the same. Hang in there love!!!

  19. Hi Vera, you truly are a role model to me and I just wanted to let you know how amazing you are!!

  20. Hang tight Vera. The next few days will be tough, but then you’ll find that you’ll adjust and your family will adjust too. It won’t take long for it to become “normal” to do homework with you in bed, or for everyone to check in with you in the morning.
    My husband more or less spent 9 months last year only getting up to go to work. The kids grew to love having him in bed. They always knew where to find him and he was a captive audience for shows, for having someone to read to them, and for endless snuggles. I actually think they miss that now that he’s up and about again!
    All those missed events… when you hold that baby in your arms you’ll know it’ll just be a part of the “how we made you” story. And just one more thing to hold over his/her head when he/she’s a teenager.
    Sending massive hugs your way!

  21. I just came to tell you how loved you are and how excited I am for you guys. Read books, draw, love on your kids. This will pass. 🙂

  22. You have my prayers and positive thoughts, always. Be patient with yourself and lean on others as much as possible, even though I know it’s easier said than done. If there’s anything I can do, say the word. Love ya.

  23. It will all be okay Vera. Hang in there. Yes, you will miss the traditional festivities this year but it’s only 1 year. At the end you will have a beautiful healthy baby & a lifetime of family festivities to take part of. Keeping you in our prayers. Wishing all the best and don’t worry too much, everyone will keep you entertained through Facebook, Twitter, etc. It’s the age of technology and when you can’t be there physically, you can facetime 🙂

  24. Oh girl! I know we only know each other a bit from the blogging world but this post really breaks my heart. From what I know of you and our interactions together – you are a kind and exceptionally strong woman. I can tell that you feel alone and vulnerable but you are not alone. We are all here with you. All sending you virtual hugs and a giant thumbs up. You can do this. xoxo!

  25. ((((Vera))))

  26. Sweet mama vera–you are not alone you are surrounded by love- you will get through this and at the end you will have the most precious gift of all- and think of ALL THAT GUILT YOU will have in your arsenal to dole out to said kid in his/her lifetime– LOVE YOU

  27. ACK! Just seeing this now when I popped by your site to catch up. Will call you and praying for you. I’ve been there and it is terrifying. Stay strong and just REST. Sending my love. xoxo

  28. In the end, it will be worth it.hugs to you Vera.

  29. (((hugs))) A little hint from experience- have a cooler by your side- change out ice packs. Dry snacks. Maybe on weekend the kids can come eat breakfast in bed. For a busy woman like you, ou need to learn to chill- yes load the movies, enjoy the break. (((HUGS and Prayers))) and I am sure your family will be decorating the room for you and spend time with you.

  30. just whistle xoxoxoxo

  31. Oh Vera. I am so sorry. I was on bed rest for two days and I went NUTS. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this so early on and I know that missing out on all that and having to rely on others is so frustrating and depressing. I second what Julie said. Between Skype and Facebook, you won’t be alone. I know it’s not the same as being able to go and do, but we are here for you. xoxo

  32. Vera, I am so sorry to hear this. This is so upsetting and hard. You WILL get through this because you know you have to. Yes you are missing time with your kids now which sucks but you have so many years ahead to make a ton more memories. Think of all the things you did this year and how many vacations you took – not many people have done that. And your kids will understand. You and your baby are in my thoughts and prayers. Good luck. Xo

  33. Vera-
    It IS a lot to process all at once… Even if you’ve had to do it before. Try to look at one day at a time. One soccer game. Maybe you can find ways to be there (FaceTime ? Tango app does video calls over 3G !) or maybe you’ll get the ok to sneak out here and there. Wheelchair?

    Big hugs to you.

  34. Hugs to you Vera. My youngest was 6 weeks pre-mature and spent weeks in the NICU…you’d never know it now. I was at 4cm (and on bed rest) from early on too. So saying I understand is an understatement, but you’ll get through it and after labor you (and your family) will be all the stronger for it – and you’ll have baby toes to kiss on. 🙂 Hang in there and take care – rest lots and know that we’re here when you want to vent, scream, cry or laugh. 🙂

  35. Joanne Gregory : October 13, 2012 at 10:06 am

    When your baby is 30 you can remind him/her what you went through way back when! Hang in there for now and try to put it all in perspective. My best healing wishes to you.

  36. My heart goes out to you. I will remember you in my prayers. You and that little one will make it through this

  37. I’m so sorry Vera. I know this was the last thing you wanted. 🙁 I hope that you find some ways to cope but just be in your frustration and grief for a bit-it’s ok. xo

  38. i am so sorry to hear this!! i will be praying for you to get through this! (((hugs)))

  39. Vera,
    I’m so sorry you are going through this [again]. I can only say that those little baby toes in just a few short months will be worth it all. My love and thoughts are with you.

  40. Thinking of you all, and wishing you the very best.

  41. Hi Vera, so sorry to hear this. Thank you for keeping us updated on this very personal struggle for you. You are an amazing women and I am praying for you and your Lil Bun…stay strong Vera…xoxo

  42. Vera,
    I am sorry you will miss so much. I did 5 weeks of bedrest but it was my first baby. I hope it goes smoothly and as close to term as possible. We are all thinking of you.

  43. Oh no 🙁 I’m so so sorry to hear this Vera. I can’t even imagine what you must be feeling but I’m sending you lots of hugs and love.

  44. hang in there Vera xo. and netflix.

  45. hang in there Vera xo. Oh, and Netflix

  46. sending you love and hugs – and prayers too. you can do this. xo

  47. Bedrest sucks! No doubt about it. but you can do this! I was on bedrest in the hospital from Nov through Jan. I totally get the holiday bummer factor. I watched my kids open presents on Skype 🙁
    Would love to help support you.
    http://www.bedrestbutler.com

  48. Vera,
    It is a lot to process right now, but you know that this is going to be the best thing to do in the long run! It will all be worth it in the end! You already have two beautiful kids and a wonderful husband to keep you strong, and there are so many people here who support you. Stay strong. Praying for you 🙂 x

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