Caleb turned four today. He woke up to candy, presents, singing and kisses. In other words, a huge celebration! I cannot believe four years have passed since we welcomed him to this world. Truly!  Where has the time gone?

If I had one wish it would be to slow everything down. As a mom of three, I know how precious these young years truly are. My eldest is 11 going on 30. She’s into her 6th grade “boyfriend” and Snapchat. Long gone are the days of couch cuddles and late night snuggles. So, these years with Caleb – the fours and the fives – they are going to be my last run.

Even now as I write this post, he is sitting on top of me while catching up on his favorite cartoon.

Attached to my hip.

Always needing to be near his mother.

Natalie usually finds her way to her room after school. She even goes as far as putting on headphones while watching her YouTube videos. Separation at its finest. She isn’t mad at us – she is just finding her way as a tween. She needs her space. I understand it – I’ve BEEN THERE.

But I’m not there yet with Caleb. Thank GOD.

This is why people keep having children. They don’t want to ever get out of this stage. The sweet spot. But I can’t have any more children. It’s not in my cards. My body can’t take another birth. So, I have one wish for my little angel – don’t ever change.

Don’t ever forget that feeling of resting along side me.

Don’t ever stop needing that goodnight kiss.

Don’t ever stop asking for our help.

Don’t ever stop wanting to explore the world with us by your side.

God… I’m sounding a bit needy. I acknowledge it. I am even considering rewriting this last part because I don’t want to raise a boy who never turns into a man. That’s not my intention. I don’t want Caleb – at 30 – calling home asking us to help him with his bills. I just want a few more years while he is a teen. Stay with us just a little bit longer while we can still have you. That’s all I really mean.

With our first children, we were rushing through milestones. We wanted them to crawl then speak then walk then write then… whatever else the books told us to expect.

With this last child, we just want to be together. We just want to hug him and watch a movie while we share some popcorn. I don’t care about whether or not he knows how to cut a perfect line yet. We will get there. All my children do. But with this last child, I realize that the milestones aren’t very important in the grand scheme of things. That’s not what needs our focus. The love is what needs our focus.

My wish for Caleb is that he always knows that we love him and that he can find love in our arms – no matter his age.

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