When The Funk Gets Too Funky: Giving Yourself Permission To Heal

We’ve all been there.

That deep down slump – the one that feels too dark to escape.

The one that you drifted into without noticing.

The one that feels all too familiar.

I found myself surrounded by emptiness a few days ago and couldn’t muster the energy to rise above it.

It felt comfortable and safe and a little bit like home.

So, I burrowed in and forgot just about everything.

I allowed myself to be consumed by the darkness because every now and then I recognize I don’t deserve all the light.

Eventually, everybody needs a reset.

Eventually, everybody needs to remember who they really are.

And so – I remembered.

As masks fell

As tears fell

As hopes disappeared and dreams vanished – I remembered all the things I tucked away.

The whispers.

They returned – they live in the darkness, you see.

And their tune is a melody I could sing right on key.

After all, I’ve written their songs, haven’t I?

So – I lived through motion.

I fed my babies.

I worked.

I ran errands and chatted with friends.

All the while … empty inside.

My cracked mask barely holding on by a string.

I am hollow inside – but this feeling is not new.

I am a performer.

No one would notice the difference because I am a master on stage.

Heels on.

Lipstick on.

You have no idea who I am – do you?

But as I lived through my motions, I forced myself to see

See their laughing faces

See the safety within my walls

See the happiness that surrounds me

And I didn’t turn away – I looked at it all without blinking

And a piece of me  buried deep down inside decided the darkness was on borrowed time

She couldn’t have me like before

As easy as it was to live within a quiet mind

Because the darkness does bring an absolute silence to my mind

It could not be the answer for much longer

So, I am rising.

Slowly

Daily

Consciously

It isn’t easy to wipe myself clean of her – but I am on the right path and freedom will soon be near.

We’ve all been there.

The second you feel part of it all again

That moment of release

I can almost taste it

Almost…

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